Instead of working only two hours on Sunday, I worked most of the day revising my novel again. My husband was very sweet to quietly do something (I'm not sure what) with the baby while my middle son went to visit his dad and my daughter worked all day and evening on a project for school.
On Sunday evening, my husband finally read the first ten chapters - the ones I revised. I nervously came upstairs to check on him to see if he liked it. I nearly snatched the manuscript from him - I thought he was asleep, but he was actually mesmerized by it, totally into it, and I surprised him when I started to take it from him. He marked a few little things that I spelled wrong because I am kind of uncool. I spelled You-Tube, U-Tube, for example. Seriously, it's YOU-Tube?? He said he loved it. I love it too when I'm reading it, but self-doubt creeps in when I'm not.
Yesterday, I gave myself a guilt-free break. My husband took my babes to his little morning school and I went back to sleep. I slept until eleven. I didn't even have a cup of coffee. I had a relaxing afternoon and intentionally did nothing around the house. (I am normally in perpetual clean-up mode.) Suddenly, before I realized what happened, at 7:00 PM I found myself in a state of complete anxiety surrounded in the chaos that I allowed to accumulate around me all day. So I cleaned and polished and cleaned some more. I feel much better now.
The thing is - and I realize it's taking me a long while to get to it - I need to start a new writing project. It's time to write something new. On Sunday I made a list of short story ideas. I have 25. Ironically, my daughter was doing the same thing at the same time. Hers were much more thought out - mine where just opening lines and a little phrase to remind me where I was going with it.
With twenty-five ideas in front of me, I am filled with panic, not sure what I will write today or if I will be able to write another word. So I write this instead. Every part of me wants to do anything but write today, but I know that if I don't just jump into it right now, I will have a harder time of it tomorrow.