My husband and kids are the only ones that seem to get my perspective on my foot condition I wrote about yesterday. We understand that no one has a magical cure and this is something that I (and they) just need to live with.
Obviously, I need to do everything I can to not exacerbate the pain and cause additional inflammation. If I lose twenty pounds, I think the reduced weight on my foot would definitely help - this is not easy to do when you can't jump or walk. If I religiously wear my special shoes inside even when walking only a step or two, that definitely helps. My husband can continue going to the grocery shopping, and I can continue to have other things delivered. I am doing the work I always wanted to do from my house, and I am able to attend writing class with my cane. It's not that bad. Now, I don't know about going to graduate school or how it's going to go when/if I decide to work outside my house again. Hopefully the laws protecting disabled people will work - it might be interesting to put that to the test.
After my doctor's appointment yesterday, my husband insisted that we start going out and that he can push me in the wheelchair. He wants me to use my cane only when I can't use the wheelchair. My perspective has been the opposite until now: use the wheelchair only when I'm positive the walk is too far. His thought is to use the wheelchair to be sure I can be mobile at home, to be certain adventures out into the concrete world don't inflame the nerve more and make it worse, and to be certain we can go out and have fun. I really can't argue with that.
It's strange to me that everyone else I have spoken with about this are telling me not to give up hope and to go to another doctor that might recommend the surgery or some other miracle cure that my first two doctors haven't come up with. To me, accepting that I'm going to have some discomfort, to do the best I can with workarounds, and to make the choices that are right for me isn't giving up. To live my life on narcotics just isn't a choice for me - I would strongly prefer to use a cane or occasionally break out the wheelchair. I prefer to bring an ice pack with me so I can ice my foot after even a short drive instead of constantly taking meds that have other side effects.
I am so happy my husband and kids are with me on this. To everyone else, I get the impression I am somehow letting them down. I find myself convincing them that it's OK that I'm going to have ongoing pain - it happens and it could be worse.
In the car this morning, my daughter and I were talking about another mom that we were both in awe of. I told my daughter the other mom seemed really intense, like a marathon runner, like she walked with complete determination on her face constantly. My daughter agreed and told me she actually is a marathon runner. We laughed together when I joked that I could do a wheelchair marathon or even a 5K race or maybe do a real race in my wheelchair (I think they let people in wheelchairs in normal running races). My daughter enthusiastically agreed and told me how awesomely strong and muscular my arms would be (they are jiggling right now from just typing). I love my family! Clearly, no one here is giving up hope....
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