Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Morton's Neuroma - Part 1

I have a morton's neuroma, basically an enlarged nerve in my foot.  Today I went to my sixth or seventh orthopedic appointment in a little more than a year, my third with today's doctor, who was supposed to be the best.  At the last appointment, he told me I am absolutely not a candidate for surgery because of my reaction to the cortisone - the shots made my leg numb up to my knee for two days.  Today, the doctor enthusiastically recommended the surgery - until I reminded him he adamantly advised against it at my last appointment.  He then looked through my chart and saw that was correct.

Then he gave up on me.  He gave me the name of yet another doctor (apparently he is not the best).  He suggested I go to a pain management doctor and argued it would be better to walk around stoned out on pain meds with all of their side effects than to have to use a wheelchair to go to the zoo or a department store.  He handed me the paper I needed to renew my handicapped parking and briskly moved on to the next patient.

I am feeling very frustrated today.  While I struggle to come up with a game plan to cope with this for yet another year, my foot is throbbing with pain from today's doctor's repeated pokes in the spot that hurts the most.

I need to remember the good in this situation.  I need to be grateful it is not worse (some people don't have legs).  I need to be happy that no one did the surgery that is all but guaranteed to give me a lifetime of leg pain. I am so thankful I have a husband who has no problems going to the grocery store for me and for the internet so I can shop without having to go out.  I am grateful I have a house full of kids that love me and have helped to take care of me.  I can't express my gratitude that my husband is able to financially take care of us so I don't have to work.  And without this injury, I wouldn't have had the time while I iced my foot to write a dozen poems and a children's book.

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