Yesterday was very bad, not just for me but mostly for people around me.
1. Went to physical therapy. PT tells me they will only be open one more week. It was my third visit. And it's part of my neurosurgeon's medical group. No way my doctor didn't know they would be closing. What a jerk for sending me there instead of somewhere else. And for telling the PT he would get 80% of his salary on unemployment - not even close.
2. Went to another PT place I've used before to schedule appointments - they don't do backs. They recommended another place very close to my home.
3. Drove to the place #2 suggested - out of business.
4. Called neurosurgeon's office to complain, get a PT recommendation (one that is in business and does backs), and ask about the dosage of my sample meds. The lower dose doesn't work as well but helps some. The higher dose works miracles but makes me feel stoned and drunk - and I can't work or take care of my little guy. The nurse called back and said my insurance won't cover it anyway. What? She said she would have to call me back later.
5. I felt a little depressed and went for a walk. A police guy out of his area did a U-turn and then parked and stared at me and the other guy walking down the road. After I looped around and came back to the same spot twenty minutes later, the same police car went speeding down the road. I decided to complain. Then I saw several more police cars race out of my neighborhood, lights and sirens on. I noticed my hands and feet swelling - a side effect of the drug - one that probably means it's not the one for me anyway.
6. When I got home, my ex picked up my kids. He said, "Did you hear about the shooting?" No, I did not, but apparently it was within a mile from where I was. He didn't have much info. I called my sister. She had more. A teenaged girl was shot. She said to lock my doors - they are still looking for the guy. I turned on the news - a SWAT team was positioned just up the street from where I was walking. Lucky for me I wasn't able to walk further or I would have been in the middle of the mess.
7. Later I found out that my daughter knows the girl - it was her 17th birthday on the day she was murdered. The girl's ex-boyfriend, the shooter, killed himself too. He had lunch with my daughter and her friends every day at school and seemed normal enough.
I didn't have much of a frame of reference with which to discuss the shooting/suicide with my daughter. So I listened. I told her I didn't understand. I painted her room - so I would have the feeling there was something I could have an effect on. My daughter didn't understand either, but tried to make sense of it based on what she found out on Facebook. My daughter just turned 15 this week.
I understand how teens can get so depressed they may want to take their own lives if they don't believe they matter, if they don't think anyone cares about them, and if they can't see that it will get better and that life is a series of ups and downs, some minor like my bad day and some major like divorce, death of people you love, and illnesses.
I can understand depression, but I don't understand the urge to murder someone else. I just don't. I do if you're a psychopath, someone on drugs not thinking clearly, or someone that is in a bad situation and feels like they have no choice. A self-defense scenario I understand, but I don't get it if you're a teenage kid that behaves normally enough to eat lunch with my daughter.
We do not live in a rough neighborhood - we live in suburbia where kids get what they want for the most part and then some. The worst thing that has happened up until now is a deadly car crash a few years back on that same street where I walk - and an occasional incident of graffiti at the neighborhood clubhouse.
There is a lot of social drama at my daughter's school - way too much - more than you would believe. I hope this settles it down, but I'm not sure it will. This seems to be a symptom of the social dysfunction at her school. School starts in about two weeks. My daughter seems to be doing OK - her friends are an emotional mess, which hurts her a lot.
It's all so sad and so hard to understand. Today again I will just listen.