Today my two year old is feeling better. He is off to his little morning school. I normally write while he is at school, not just here. I usually write a new chapter or edit two while he is gone to school. On Wednesdays I work especially hard on whatever I plan to bring to writing class. Tonight we have our public reading.
This week on top of a sick babes, I've had a bad headache and haven't written a word outside of this blog. My house is a disaster. I have a backload of dishes and an insurmountable amount of laundry to be done. The clothes hamper in my room is literally overflowing. It looks like an avalanche of dirty clothes that reaches to the collection of laundry baskets filled with clean, folded laundry that will never be put away if I don't do it now. I would take a picture, but it's too embarrassing. The carpet is dusty. The bathrooms are a mess. I guess it's lucky for my family that I care - apparently they don't mind the mess so much.
I don't normally live like this, so it's not that embarrassing to admit I lost control while my baby is sick, but I did. On the other hand, he and I will both remember yesterday as being a very good day. Even though he was sick, we built with Duplos, watched movies, had snacks on the couch, and had a lovely time together. It was a good day, despite his goopey eyes and sad little cough. I'm happy I spent all of my time with him, even though I let everything else get out of control.
There's always one character in each of my stories that need the house to be clean to feel like they have control of their lives. When things are difficult, they clean. Today I need to clean.
Tomorrow, maybe this afternoon - as soon as my house is returned to normal - I will write. Tonight I will go to my public reading with a handful of poems and read with confidence whichever one I feel like when they call my name. Starting now, I will set aside the naysayers that have been eating at me over the last two weeks, and I will remind myself how capable I am.
I am capable of anything.