For this mommy-writer, there has been way too much vacation time, holiday days and snow days for me to get any momentum with my writing. I have several short stories in process, one children's novel waiting to be edited, a novel just begun, and a stack of 40 poems that could use a little work. I did take the time to organize my writing projects, but haven't really gotten back into the groove of writing. One look at my desk paints the horrific picture of the disorganization of my mind.
Over the past week alone, the kids have had two snow days, one had a sick day, and both had two holidays. My husband has taken off time too. I love the idea of them being home and love their company as well as endless everyday fun with my two year old.
But I'm an introvert. Introverts need quiet to recharge. My battery is dead. I am done. So done, I can't really come up with a good title for this little blog entry and have given up on two entries I started earlier this week due to incessant, "Mom, mom, mother, mommy" pleas in the background.
To top it off a migraine woke me up at 5:00 a.m., one hour before my alarm clock was due to go off. It is never good when the headache wakes you up and you see a kaleidoscope of lights even with your eyes closed. I closed my eyes without getting up and prayed it would go away before the alarm clock went off. At 6:00 I knew I was in trouble and took some medicine. At noon, I took a different medicine. At 3:00 I took more of the first. My baby was super all morning. He got out his doctor kit and gave me shots until I said I felt better. By the late afternoon, he sensed my weakness, my inability to make him stay in bed to nap.
When I gave up on the nap and got him a snack, I threatened him with daycare if he didn't stop kicking the chair, making the already unbearable pain in my right eye even worse. His little face lit up with happiness at the thought and he said, "Ooooh - school!" I stared at him for a second in complete surprise and then smiled, realizing maybe a little bit of school for him is what we both need.
I told him he may need to pee in the potty to go to school. He said, "I sit on potty now." I said, "OK," and sat next to him reading a book and encouraging him. I think he's not quite ready since he wasn't sure if he really peed or not and kept checking - just in case. He picked out a pair of underwear and then ran naked through the house refusing to put them on. Luckily, my teenager came home and saved the day, playing with him while I napped and he didn't.
After everyone else had eaten dinner and the baby was finally put to sleep, I finally woke up with no pain and no flashing lights in my eyes. I told the story to my fourth grader and confided in him that I think a little daycare or preschool is what we need. I am happy and energized when I write, especially when I do it in a way that I am creating something I can touch, that's typed and finished and polished and stands on its own.
I explained to my son that writing just a little every week for me is like asking him to assemble a large Lego set in only 10 minutes a week. He would never get done and would eventually be so frustrated he would give up and put all the pieces back in the box. I am at that point, but don't want to give up. I can see in my mind the stories I have started. I just need to finish assembling them. I just need time.
When I explained my problem the same way to my husband, he absolutely agreed we need a little child care help. We found a couple of part time daycare options that look affordable and seem to be high quality enough that I won't feel selfish and guilty sending him there. I hope to check them out tomorrow while my little man is so optimistic about going to school. I hope he loves it.