Yesterday, I was all full of high hopes for the snow day. It actually sucked except that my toddler happily put on his snow suit so the older kids could pull him around the yard on a sled. They literally made a circular path around the house and walked it over and over like a little merry-go-round. I hate the cold so I didn't go outside, but I imagined they all said, "Wheeee!" as they circled the house.
The rest of the day was not great. My kids had homework despite the snow day. When I was a kid, snow days were sacred, like Christmas. It would have been reprehensible and completely taboo to give or do homework on a snow day back then. On the other hand, back then we never had a snow day just because there was snow on the ground. It was a much rarer occasion then.
My husband had me on an emotional roller-coaster all day via text message. He needs to renew his office space ASAP, which is becoming very stressful for me. The details of the various lease agreements seem to be very elusive. As soon as we make a decision, a detail from the owner makes us question it.
We had an opportunity to rent a space that I could work in as well. I got very excited that I could work outside of my messy house even ten hours a week - in ten hours, I could read a book or write ten chapters. I could actually execute my plan to go to graduate school. I could write another book and focus on finishing the editing work on the one I wrote last year.
Yesterday I was elated at the thought of a writing sanctuary for me. I saw rainbows and happiness. I believed it was possible. Then the lease pretty much fell through - it would cost more than we anticipated, more than we wanted to spend for rainbows and happiness. My optimism was destroyed in that text message and put an end to the happy snow day. At least my kids had fun - they just did it without me.
Today I am trying to scrape the remains of my happiness off the ground. I am determined to clean up my work space and find some quiet for myself here at home in my personal prison. Sometimes prison is good - at least you don't have to put on makeup or get dressed up.