Friday, December 17, 2010

Worry is Setting In...

It is difficult waiting for biopsy results, more than I thought.  I am a planner, always have been.  I can't seem to stop my mind from contingency planning what we will do in each of the possible scenarios from the biopsy.  There are four possibilities according to the doctor, one for each of his fingers minus his thumb:  benign, cancer, questionable, and inconclusive.  All but the first require cutting out my thyroid gland. 

I don't like the idea of surgery, and I would like to keep my parts for as long as possible.  Quite honestly, I am still trying to recover from the botched blood draw from a week ago. 

The doctor says the surgery will put me out of business for a week.  When he said that, I thought, "I can still write in bed."  Then I thought, "Oh no," at precisely the same moment my husband had the same thought.  I work for my two year old, and my husband is out of vacation time. 

Yesterday and today I am worrying more and more about what my kids will eat and how we will get the laundry done if I have to have surgery.  To be honest, I am really tired and am having a hard time keeping up with all of that on a normal day.  I envision Lean Cuisines for every meal and powering through all of the laundry before the surgery.  I didn't think I would be worrying about this and really thought I could set these thoughts aside, but it's not that easy. 

The funny thing is that no one in my direct family that knows about the biopsy has bothered to call to ask how I'm doing and ask if I'm worried or give me an opportunity to talk about it.  When I called them initially to let them know about the biopsy and potential for cancer, all but my dad changed the subject very quickly.  My dad got confused and called back the next day to ask if I was worried about breast cancer, which his mother had recently - this confusion left me more worried about him than about my biopsy results.  My mom informed me that no one in my dad's side of the family has had any kind of cancer.  I reminded her they have been divorced for thirty years - perhaps someone has been sick since she dropped out of their family.  In fact both of my dad's parents and most of their siblings have had cancer, but no thyroid cancer, which is a good sign.

I am certain I will get through this one way or the other, and when I do I am definitely going to write a short story about the experience - not the medical stuff, but the reaction and lack thereof from my parents and siblings.

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