Thursday, December 23, 2010

Strange Mother-Daughter Thing...

My mom and I definitely have a really strange relationship.  I think she would agree, but I'm not sure. 

She called me two days after my biopsy to see if I was OK.  I actually could have used some help with my toddler during and after the biopsy.  We had to bring my little guy with us to the hospital, so basically I was alone waiting while my husband entertained my little guy.  Luckily there was a huge train display in the lobby for Christmas, which kept him busy for the two and a half hours we were there - a very long wait for me alone and an even worse one for a toddler.  My husband had to take off work to hang with the babes.  She is at home and lives nearby but never offered to stop over to help take care of him - she typically declines if asked, so I didn't.  Even an hour or two of help would have made a world of difference.

Yesterday, she called to find out how the biopsy went and was sobbing hysterically, saying with extreme melodrama that she was so worried about me and so relieved I was OK.  It would have been so devastating for her if I had cancer.

I am very confused.  If you really care, don't you offer up some help or concern for the person who is sick?  Don't you call before the biopsy to ask the other person if they are handling it OK? How did it turn out to be about her?  How did it happen that I ended up consoling her?  I can't see how it could suddenly impact her if I had cancer - there are no phone calls unless I call, no visits, no nothing unless I initiate it, which I honestly am tired of doing.  I have literally gone more than a year without talking to her in the past with no phone calls from her.  Why suddenly all the emotion that I may be sick?

I'm very annoyed with the fake compassion. Is it possible this is as good as it gets?  Is it possible that after 42 years, I continue to expect more?  Apparently so....

Today is our family Christmas thing.  I am going to try to take a deep breath, liquor up if necessary, and try to be invisible or at least calmly pleasant.

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