Sunday, February 24, 2013

Loss

This past Friday morning, my sister's husband passed away.  I want to write something beautiful to honor him, but I am completely floored by it.

I only have one sister.  I feel completely inept at helping her feel any comfort at all.  I'm at a complete loss of what to say to her kids. 

I'm angry and stunned at the unfairness of it.  He hadn't been seriously sick.  He was only 48 years old.  His kids are teenagers, one will be graduating from high school in a few months.  They both need their dad.

I'm shocked at how quickly life can change in one moment. 

I am so touched by the generosity of his family toward my sister. She also has a group of amazing women she's friends with.  They've stepped in and covered her in a collective hug.  With support of her friends, I know she's going to be okay. 

Must pull myself together today after an evening of intermittent crying and napping.  This is the third day, and it feels way more painful than it did on Friday.  It feels less surreal and more terrible.  I hope it doesn't feel the same for my sister and her kids.


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18 comments:

  1. Alex J. CavanaughFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:07 AM

    Tonja, I am so sorry!! My heart goes out to you and your family. Will be praying for you.

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  2. DL HammonsFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:18 AM

    I'm so sorry Tonja! Just be with her, that's all that will matter right now anyway!

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  3. Rebecca AlexanderFebruary 24, 2013 at 10:09 AM

    I'm so sorry Tonja. I was widowed when my kids were young, and it's never easy. It takes time, much longer than we expect. The best advice I was given was to treat yourself like you have the flu. Expect less of yourself, coddle yourself, eat and sleep right, for as long as it takes. It might take your sister a couple of years to find herself again, and it's good that she has so much support. x

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  4. JennyFebruary 24, 2013 at 11:46 AM

    I'm so sorry for your family's sudden loss! I think most people feel inept to some degree at a time like this. The most important thing is to be there for each other. The rest will fall into place.

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  5. Mina LoboFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:10 PM

    Tonja, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

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  6. Luanne G. SmithFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:48 PM

    Very sad news. So sorry for your sister and her kids. There are never the right words for a moment like that.

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  7. TrishaFebruary 24, 2013 at 8:35 PM

    Oh my gosh :( I am so very sorry!

    There is not generally much you can do for those who are closest to the loss, except be there for them if they need it. There aren't any right words to say. I think hugs are the best that can be done.

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  8. shellyFebruary 24, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    Just cry with her if need be. Sometimes letting someone know how they really feel helps. Today, I shaved a chemo patients head. A woman. I cried while she cried. Just knowing I was an instrument in her voluntarily losing a form of her identity, I felt her pain.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

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  9. Dianne K. SalerniFebruary 25, 2013 at 6:50 AM

    Tonja, I am so sorry for your loss, and for your sister's loss, and for their children.

    When my sister lost her infant child to meningitis, I was crushed by the unfairness of it and felt inadequate to help ease her pain. All I could do was be there.

    Be there.

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  10. AnonymousFebruary 25, 2013 at 8:03 AM

    I am so sorry for your family's loss, Tonja. Sending prayers for comfort and peace.

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  11. TonjaFebruary 26, 2013 at 5:30 AM

    Thanks to all.

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  12. BrindaFebruary 26, 2013 at 6:35 AM

    I'm so sorry for your family's loss. *hugs*

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  13. Tyrean MartinsonFebruary 26, 2013 at 9:41 AM

    Tonja, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family. Hugs!

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  14. Rusty CarlFebruary 26, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    That's horrible. My heart goes out to you all.

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  15. M PaxFebruary 26, 2013 at 2:54 PM

    It's tough, Tonja.

    I went through something similar. My only sister's husband passed suddenly 2 years ago. He was only 43. My nieces were 11 and 12. I stayed with them for two weeks. It's not easy. It still makes my cry. I loved my brother-in-law and I know my sister and nieces still struggle with him missing from their lives.

    My sympathies to you, your sister, and her children.

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  16. nutschellFebruary 27, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    I'm so sorry for your family's loss. He was taken too soon. I'm sure with you and her friends help, your sister will find the strength to keep on with life, especially for her kids. sending you all warm healing thoughts.
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  17. Empty Nest InsiderFebruary 28, 2013 at 2:16 AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss Tonja. My heart also goes out to your sister, and her children. Just listening, and being there for her family will be of help to her. It's also important to share stories about your brother-in-law. Some people are afraid to do that, but the kids should always have wonderful memories of their dad.

    Julie

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  18. The Kid In The Front RowMarch 2, 2013 at 3:24 AM

    Sorry for your sister's loss, and for yours. What you wrote is beautiful, and got me thinking about life, and the shortness of it all.

    Hope you are okay! x

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