Hope

This morning, quite unexpectedly, I have hope. 

I went to the doctor this morning to get a note for my child support hearing stating I am unable to work a traditional job.  I also needed a script for a wheelchair that will fold into the tiny trunk of the 40K luxury car we were about to buy to minimize the pain in my foot when and after I drive.  And I have been having this nagging pain in my sciatic nerve since I was pregnant with my almost-three-year-old that is starting to be more than I can stand. 

My doctor looked at me with a smile and had an ah-ha moment.  He said the nerve pain in my foot and the sciatic nerve pain could be from the same source - my lower back.  He said one EMG, an evaluation by a physical medicine doctor, a couple epidurals, and some physical therapy could fix everything. 

I cried on the way home.  All the way home.

It is overwhelming to think of the things I have given up on for myself, things I have given up on doing with my kids, because of this foot problem that no one up until now could fix.  Everything they have done to try to help my foot has made it worse.  The only option was surgery, which they didn't recommend at all.  It makes sense to me that cortisone shots would make it worse if the source of the problem was my hip or lower back and not my foot.  The cortisone would put more pressure on the nerve and make it worse, which it did.

My test is Tuesday next week.  I am hopeful but know it's possible this is one more thing that could potentially make it worse or not work at all, as things have been. 

Today I have hope.