I have been having fun writing the alphabetical posts this month, but seriously am struggling with my new novel. I over-designed it. I wrote down details of characters, timelines, opening lines for all the chapters, and even drew a map and a family tree. I know exactly how my characters think, what they will do, and how they will do it.
Now I am paralyzed. I can see the whole story all the way through from beginning to end in my mind. But my mind is fighting writing it down on paper.
So I cleaned.
And I cleaned some more.
I think polishing my kitchen cabinets this afternoon may be what I need to suddenly feel like I have control of my life and somehow have control of the words that are locked inside of me.
I wonder if men clean when they are stuck.
My plan for tonight is to vacate my home and go to the coffee shop. I will sit at my lucky table with a too large cup of very expensive coffee. I will write two chapters. I may end up throwing them away later, but I think the only way to get over this is to clean and to write.
I used to design and develop software and web applications. When I did this kind of detailed design for applications, I immediately handed the design off to someone else to do the coding - to write the words that made it work. Design is a very creative process, but is sort of antithetical to writing. Design is logical. It is creative, but it builds a very firm structure. Structure and boundaries inhibit further creativity.
I wish I had just jotted down my ideas and character names. That is what I normally do, then I dive right in. I think I really came up with a good story, but may have sucked the fun right out of it for myself.
I must be positive. I must believe all the forethought I put into the story will make a better in the end. I must fight the urge to give it to someone else to write. I think being positive is the thing to do. I will be positive until I convince myself I can write it today.