This week has been really bad at home - frustrating and exhausting. I hope my little man has hit the peak of his terrible-two-ness. I've reached my limit and need a vacation bad - like a vacation alone, not one where I have to do laundry for everyone before, during, and after the trip - a vacation where I can mentally rest. I want to escape just for a while, but really can't since my little guy is in full maniacal two year old mode.
So I have been editing instead of writing. I did make a copy of the previous version just in case my mental state causes me to destroy my stories.
One of the stories is a children's book. I have been reading it chapter by chapter, primarily to adjust the timeline. I realized at chapter ten that I miscalculated the timeline for the previous chapters and have to adjust it one more time. So I stopped editing and just read it - I love the story and really took pleasure in reading it. I think it's my thing - children's literature. Even the best parts of my adult book - or at least the parts I love the most - are about the main character when she is a child.
One of the chapters I read tonight is about a little boy who is a lot like my middle son. I loved writing that chapter and know that I nailed his sweet but determined personality. The story is absolutely fiction, but the character is a lot like him. I want to write more stories with characters like my kids. If I had an idea for a story, I would write it tomorrow.
Instead, I need to find a calm and happy place in my mind and in the physical space around me so I can finish my other book. I have just a few more chapters to go - maybe two or three. I know what the ending is, but it is going to be hard to write it. I want to get it just right. But I also want a sense of completion before the end of the session of my writing class.
I have a sci fi story in mind - a very dark one - and an idea for a collection of stories that I hope will turn into chapters. I will definitely keep my mind open to children's stories. Maybe one about an alternately sweet and then horrific, foot-kicking two year old....
I know I have to spend a lot of time doing edits and it is very beneficial that I've done this over the last two weeks. But I want to write. I feel like I haven't been writing enough - only whittling away at what I've already written in hopes of some measure of perfection that I never seem to be able to achieve. Maybe I'll snap out of it tomorrow and find some quiet time to write.
It's funny that I consider writing (not editing) a vacation from my life, the creative escape that I need.