Yesterday I sat across the table from my critique partner as we exchanged chapters and read them silently. I had a moment where I couldn't breathe, several seconds where I realized she was the first person to read the chapters, followed by thirty minutes of knowing it was possible that what I wrote was complete crap.
There are so many things similar about 'normal' work and this writing gig, except for one thing: even after we have written thousands, even hundreds of thousands of words, one novel or short story or poem after the next, there's a very real possibility that no one will get what we're tying to say, that people won't like the story or how we wrote it, that our writing won't measure up, that the point of our stories will be lost. We might just be fooling ourselves.
Terrifying, isn't it?
(I'm OK now, she liked it.)
As writers of fiction, especially poetry, we have to take a leap of faith. If we take the time and care to craft our stories and poems, we have to trust that people will like our writing - but not everyone. No one can please everyone. Some people will say, "I don't get it." Others will say they like it but think, "I don't get it." We will get bad reviews, but only have the chance to get good ones if we have the nerve to share our creative work with other people.
Even on days when we feel insecurity about our writing, we have to applaud ourselves for having the courage to let other people read our words.
A Pearl Jam song for your enjoyment...which has nothing to do with the topic except its title, "Just Breathe."
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This post is part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh.
Yup. Know how you feel.
ReplyDeletei worry about it all the time. then i get feedback and know it's ok.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my beta reader for one story was on Facebook so we didn't ever have to talk about it in person and I didn't have to watch her read it. Much less awkward that way.
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me of the Chevy Chase movie "Funny Farm" where he gives his wife for an anniversary gift his WIP and then makes her read it right then while he watches. Needless to say it doesn't go well.
I appreciate the idea of applauding ourselves for the courage it takes . . . I just have to make sure I keep writing no matter what. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteShelly - I guess it's just part of the process.
ReplyDeleteTara - It's crazy how the anxiety is washed away the second the good feedback comes.
Grumpy - Well, I was reading hers too, so it wasn't that awkward. That was an awesome scene in Funny Farm. I haven't watched that in a really long time.
Those leaps of faith can be scary. I don;t look down when I leap. Often I close my eyes. And pray. Usually I land safely on the other side. Usually. Maybe I need a worrmhole.
ReplyDeleteSheila - I agree, we have to just keep writing.
ReplyDeleteStephen - A wormhole would be awesome!
Oh, we're all such insecure writers - I think it goes with the profession. It is hard to please everyone - well, not hard, impossible! As long as there are more who "get it" than who don't, then you're doing a fine job.
ReplyDeleteSusan - Very true. And I'm sure there will be more people that don't get my writing than those that do. So be it.
ReplyDeleteGood post. Your fears are those of every writer, regardless of what they say or how many books they've sold. So you're in good company. I always liken others reading your work to standing naked in a crowd of people - you strip yourself bare and let them have at you!
ReplyDeleteIt is so personal. It's almost impossible to step back and see it as you do other creations. If someone doesn't like a dish I've cooked or a photo I've taken, I'm not too distraught. I don't pour my heart and soul into those activities.
ReplyDeleteI coach speech, and at a meet the kids get a critique sheet back from a judge every time they perform. I tell them all the time, remember, it's just one person's opinion. We'll go over it and decide whether or not we agree with them.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should remind myself that some times, too! :)
Such awesome truths. Since my first fiction is coming out in March, I'm terrified. I just need to hope everything will be okay :)
ReplyDeleteWendy - Yes, exactly, standing there naked and realizing you maybe should have been working out more.
ReplyDeleteBrinda - I'm a little sensitive about my cooking too.
Rachel - It does ground me when I think of what I would tell my kids to do if they were in my shoes. I would tell them to keep writing and keep letting people read it even if it's hard.
Elisabeth - Congratulations! I bet your kids are excited for you.
Valuable advise, really what is the alternative?
ReplyDeleteYou kind of struck on an issue that's been causing me a lot of angst these past few days! I know what you wrote in your post is true--I've even said it to others plenty of times...amazing how we still need the reminder: "Not everyone is going to get our work--that doesn't mean it's crap!"
ReplyDeleteI love Pearl Jam and you can never go wrong by adding some Pearl Jam to your day. :) I can so relate to your feelings as your partner started to read. The worst for me is even if a reader tells me they like something I've written, I wonder if they're just saying it to be nice! That's a habit I really need to break.
ReplyDeleteNo way I could've even been in the same room the first time my wife read my work!
ReplyDeleteNot everyone will like it, but that's all right - it's impossible to write something that will please everyone anyway.
Great motto, just breathe.
ReplyDeleteNo matter where we are, we can improve. That's exactly what crit partners are for. I wouldn't have grown without mine.
I think it's impossible to write a perfect story or novel without someone else's eyes on it. Mostly, because we can't escape our own heads.
Hope to get to read your brilliant novel in the near future, Tonja.
Siv - Passing out, I guess. Kind of embarrassing, though.
ReplyDeletejbchicoine - Sometimes it's easier to say that (and mean it) to other people.
Julie - I know how you feel. Maybe my partner was just being nice....
Alex - I usually ask my husband to read first, but this time I didn't. I don't look at my husband, but it's a good sign if he's howling with laughter.
M Pax - You are exactly right, and I did appreciate hearing what she thought I should work on. Thanks! :)
Totally agree. Unfortunately, I'm still at the stage where the only people who see what I write is me, myself, and I, and my muse, and my infernal internal editor!
ReplyDeleteNew follower. :)
I know that feeling...I get so sick whenever I open up an e-mail from one of my CPs with new feedback.
ReplyDeleteI applaud your courage. Sharing takes guts, but it's essential. When receiving feedback or reviews, a writer must remember that "you can't please everyone". :)
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was out my real life writer's group last night and one of my short stories was on the chopping block. I swear I felt just like I do during a performance review at work. I keep telling myself to be calm but I just can't. My hands start shaking and I feel like I'm being judged as a human being.
ReplyDeleteEven when folks are telling me they like my stuff I keep waiting for the bombshell, or for them to tell me what they really think.
But, I carry on, as you do.
Wow Tonja you are brave. I could definitely not sit across the table from someone, anyone reading my work.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement. Nice to meet you. I'll be back.
I love Pearl Jam. And I'm so glad that your friend liked your work. It's important early on to get encouragement until you can stand on your own with confidence.
ReplyDeleteEmma - I hope you find a critique partner or group. It does help. Thanks for the follow.
ReplyDeleteCarrie - It's good to know I'm not alone.
Isis - That's true. But there's always that nagging feeling that no one will like it.
Rusty - I think a performance review is easier - there's usually a pay increase involved. Wow, like lots of people critiqued just your story? Yikes.
farawayeyes - I didn't feel brave at all, quite the opposite. Thanks for visiting.
Michael - I agree, I think it gets easier.
It's so hard, isn't it? I think there are concrete 'done well' measures, but like any art, there is so much that is related to taste and it is a very exquisite skill to be able to tell a tale that hits something to please everyone. Especially as some tastes are contradictory.
ReplyDeleteHart - I agree, you can apply all the best practices to your writing and still fall short. I think there's always going to be someone that can relate to a story though.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my writing partner is awesome - very positive and encouraging, but honest with the feedback. I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to work with her over the last year. My fiction writing skills have definitely improved because of her.
We can't please everyone and if we try then we'll end up pleasing no one--including ourselves.
ReplyDeleteVery true, and I don't usually worry about that (much) while I'm writing. It was just that one moment when I realized no one else had read it. Usually my husband or daughter reads first, but didn't this time.
DeleteYou sat in the same room? At the same table? I bow down before you. I get so nervous about anyone reading my work. I could never be in the same room!
ReplyDeleteWe used to participate together in a writing group where you read your chapter aloud and then take the feedback from each person. That was definitely more difficult. Plus I trust my writing partner to be nice even if the chapters weren't great. I was reading her chapters too, so it wasn't that big of a deal.
DeleteI'm eager but terrified of getting my work read by others. How did you connect with your critique partner? Nice meeting you by the way, it's my first time visiting your blog.
ReplyDeleteI met my partner at a writing class. I got lucky to be thrown together with her randomly in the small group critique sessions in that class.
DeleteWomen Writing for (a) Change is the group - I think they have writing centers other cities, not sure. They have a set format for critiques and encourage writers to ask for the specific type of critique they want. And everyone always starts by saying what they like about the other person's writing, which makes it easier. That helped me be better at giving critiques and helped me see there's always something to like about my own writing.
Thanks for visiting. :)